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I think it was the way he said it, or maybe it was the way it aligned with all that has been on my mind lately. But for whatever reason, the words of my pastor struck me this past week. Enough so that I took the time to write them down.

He said, very simply, “Self-will is never enough.”

I’ve been struggling with goals lately (not resolutions, remember I didn’t make those!).  I love to write and want desperately to make writing a higher priority.  I want to sit down and put words on the page, every day.

But life gets in the way.  Children, work, volunteer commitments, exercise, dinner, laundry. My attention is often diverted. And then there’s the world of social media competing for my interest: Facebook, Twitter, texts, email, and a constant stream of articles, blog posts, breaking news stories; all available to me with one simple click.   It’s easy to give in to distractions.

Just last week I took a personality inventory (DISC), and I learned I am…Easily distracted.  Yes! I see this now.  But giving in to distractions gets in the way of my accomplishing what I want to accomplish.  What I really, really want to accomplish.

So when Pastor Randy began talking about self-will and how we must learn to rely on God, I was listening.  It is human nature to want to maintain control.  We desire to be in charge of our lives, our circumstances, the outcome of those situations in which we are involved.  But truth be told, we are not in charge.  Never have been.  He is.

I know this is true, have known it for a long time.  Yet still, I cling to my ways of attempting to control my world.  And when it gets to be too much, when I find myself falling apart or failing or frustrated by my circumstances, I pray.

I ask God for help.  Ask Him to help me write more.  Get healthier.  Be more thoughtful of my family and friends.  I ask Him to give me strength. Discipline. Courage.  But as I listened to my pastor’s words last week I realized this: my prayers are all wrong.

I’ve been praying for God to help me overcome my weaknesses.  In other words, I was praying for perfection.  I’ve been praying for God to transform me into a superhero.

su·per·he·ro

ˈso͞opərˌhirō/

noun

noun: super-hero

1. 1. a benevolent fictional character with superhuman powers, such as Superman.

I now realize I’ve been asking God to fix me.  To make me something other than what I am; a busy working mom with a personality that lends itself to getting distracted.  Huh, I’m pretty sure this isn’t how it works.

So now, instead, I will pray for the courage to rely fully on God.  To trust Him and the path He has chosen for me.  To obey, to listen, to allow Him to work within me.

God knows my weaknesses better than I do.  He isn’t going to take them away, they are a part of who I am.  Yet God knows how to get things done, knows how to work around my weaknesses.  All I have to do is let Him.  Obey, listen, allow: it’s even better than being a superhero.

Self-will is never enough, but the will of God is more than enough. 

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