Fifteen Again

I was unsure of how the night would go, wondered who’d be there, questioned if I’d be capable of making small talk, after so many years.

So I did what I sometimes do when I am driving and thinking and wondering: I decided whatever song came on the radio next would be my metaphor for the evening. (I know this is weird but I just do it for sport, so stay with me).

Where was I headed? To my high school reunion.

What song came on the radio? Fifteen by Taylor Swift.

It made me laugh out loud.

Whether you like Swift or not, you have to admit that the lyrics to her song capture well the emotions of what it is like to be in high school. Just hearing it on the radio brought it all back.  I remember…

On good days, I thought: I am so awesome, I can do anything, the world loves me and I love it back.  

On bad days I thought: I am such a loser, no one likes me, no one ever will like me and I have way too much homework.

Add to this: school clubs, dances, romance, drama, homework, football games, yearbook, paper writing, friendships, and a whole lot of “I-like-you-but-you-like-her” scenarios and there you have it: High School. It’s a wonder anyone survives.

Ironically, before going to the event, I’d spent my afternoon researching for a creative essay I’m working on. The piece is set in the ‘80’s. To help me write, I pulled out old yearbooks, photos and journals from my high school years (I graduated in ’84).  I was hoping to bring my memories of this time to the forefront, and spent a good hour reading through my journals. Guess what I discovered?   I don’t know the girl who wrote them.

*The girl who wrote these journals had a neat, billowy script unlike me, whose writing no one can ever read.

*The girl who wrote these journals was wise beyond her years but so also naïve. She had no idea who she was then or who she would become later.

*The girl who wrote these journals had so many good qualities but she was so busy putting herself down that she could not see them. She was also very self-involved, could often not see beyond herself and her feelings. She took much for granted.

*The girl who wrote these journals could never imagine herself 30 years later. If she’d gotten even just a small glimpse of the future, maybe it all would have been easier. Or perhaps, she needed to go through all that just to get where she is today.

The reunion was fun. I saw old friends, caught up on what people are doing these days and laughed over a few stories I’d long forgotten about. On the surface I find most people, at their core anyway, are the same. It’s comforting. But it all makes me wonder; if I don’t know the girl who wrote these journals, did they?


About thewritertracy

Writer, Mom, Lover of books, travel, family, friends and fun.
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4 Responses to Fifteen Again

  1. Sabra Penley says:

    I didn’t journal much in high school, but I did write letters. Some of which I still have (odd…they were the kind where I’d write something, she’d write back, and so on). I’ve not read them in many years, but I wonder–would I recognize that girl? So much life has happened since then. I pray I am much less me and much more Christ. You certainly have me thinking this morning, Tracy. Thanks for the trip down memory lane.

    • Sabra, you should go back and read those journals. It’s truly enlightening to go back in time and reminds me a bit about what my girls may be thinking/going through as they get through their teens years.

  2. Hi Tracy! Fellow Compel-sister her. Pleasure to meet you.
    My first response is: Ha Ha!! Calculus was such a waste of my time.
    But may be people wouldn’t think as deeply or analytically if it wasn’t for it. Uh.

    • Hi Jovette! Nice to meet you too. I love Compel, though I admit, I am behind right now with all the teachings! Life got in the way and I hope to catch up when kids are back in school. Yes, I am pretty sure most of us suffered our way through high school math classes! I know I saw no purpose in them then, as for now, who knows! haha. Thanks for your comments. 🙂

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